You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
