dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
