Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
