How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
