tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
