I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
