obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
