You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
