No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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