I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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