it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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