I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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