I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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