I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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