At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
