omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
