do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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