Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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