Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
