i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize