I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
