I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
