I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
