just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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