Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
