he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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