Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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