Say something about gay babies.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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