I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
