I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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