i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
