i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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