Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
