Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
