dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it's like heaven, but drunker
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
