chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
