booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
