week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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