My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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