all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize