idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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