Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Moan for me like Helen Keller
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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