p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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