haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
