Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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