I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
