I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
