It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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