I faked an abortion last night.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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