saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
