He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
