i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
