Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
