Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
