im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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