I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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