the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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