I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
