It's like God shit irony all over that family
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
