Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
