you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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