I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
