Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
