I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
